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Holy smokes I think I just found an app that let's me blog from my phone. This could be awesome!

Hey Kal

Remember how your mom is a total asshole?

Me too.

Did you know that she's afraid of wind, but not bats or giant spiders with boxing gloves?

What a nut.

And remember that one time when I watched Shark Week every minute that I was home during that whole week, even though it totally and completely freaked me out? You should have come and watched it with me. I would have painted your nails and let you make out with my pumpkin candle that you are so enamored with.

Maybe next time.

...remember when Sum...

...created this blog with me and has posted on it exactly ONE time?!?!?! Remember that?!?! Remember all the funny things she swore she'd post?! Does it make you sad inside, too?

A gem I just found in my text messages, circa July 18th, 2010:
Summer: Oh my God it SMELLS. Like a natural gas. Or pee.
Nicole: ........
(5 minutes pass)
Summer: You know what it is?! It's like when your pee smells metallic. Or asparagus-y. Odorous urine, if you will.

End scene.

isn't this cute?!

you're so considerate...

No, it's cool. Of course I wouldn't want to squander the 7 o' clock hour of my Sunday morning by actually sleeping. That'd be silly. Thanks for calling me on that ish and getting my day started before the sun came up. You're the best.

you know what sounds good right now?!

I'll give you one guess, but you won't need it...give up?! The answer: more veggies. Since I'm clearly deficient in any number of vitamins, and cannot stop craving vegetables (a lame waste of a craving, if you ask me). First it was broccoli. Then avocado. Now? CORN. Buttered on the cob. Grilled little niblets. Any and all things corny...

...well that's handy...

Hey Kal!
Remember that one time I found that pic of a baby pygmy hippo and almost pissed my pants from the sheer adorableness of it?!

It's the CUTEST, huh Kal! You're about the same size, you could totally be bff's, Kal!!! I would let him float around the bathtub and gawk at how cute he is when he flickers his little Shrek ears. You probably wouldn't want in on that part, Kal, but you could totally perch on the side of the tub and watch all the fun.

That would be the best.

...remember Happy Meal boxes?

And how they used to be made from real, honest-to-goodness cardboard that some little sweatshop employee had been forced to fold by Kathy Lee Gifford, not the freaking 20%-recycled-content bags that the deprived children of today must settle for?!?!?! Yeah, I used to love those. I kept whole collections of Happy Meal toys in 'em.

Speaking of Happy Meal toys, aside from storing them in the handy trapezoid-squared boxes, I liked to A: sell them to my sister (who already had one of her own) or B: give them to my Mom in her Christmas stockings. I was A: an entreprenuer and B: resourceful as hell and really really thoughtful.

And now you know that.