Remember how your mom is a total asshole?
Me too.
Did you know that she's afraid of wind, but not bats or giant spiders with boxing gloves?
What a nut.
And remember that one time when I watched Shark Week every minute that I was home during that whole week, even though it totally and completely freaked me out? You should have come and watched it with me. I would have painted your nails and let you make out with my pumpkin candle that you are so enamored with.
Maybe next time.
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